My inner child thinks

Patrick Teahan

My inner child thinks…?

Week of 5/28/23 Journal Prompts

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate." -Carl Jung.

Borrowing from one of my favorite Carl Jung quotes, much of our healing work will involve making the unconscious conscious. 
 
This week's journal prompts are an exploratory exercise at taking a deeper look at how we really feel about things that most likely come from our childhood trauma conditioning. 
 
As we start healing and exploring abuse from our family system of origin, we spend a significant amount of time correlating our present behaviors, triggers, and stuck places with our childhood. A common example is realizing we chase unavailable people because our inner child still tries to get an ambivalent parent to be interested or wake up for us.  
 
However, we can only absorb healthier ideas or start new behaviors once we realize where the dysfunctional ones come from. 
 
 
How might your inner child really feel about it?

Self

  1. My inner child believes that others find them to be-
  2. My inner child wishes they were more-
  3. Around others, my inner child never wants to be too-
  4. My inner child worries that they will never become-
  5. When asked, "Who are you," my inner child thinks-

When children are raised in safety, they are parented around having a sense of self by inclusion, expression, the allowance of autonomy, and healthy feedback. Children who are loved have a sense that they matter to someone, which makes for a good foundation of self.

Communication

  1. My inner child believes that to be heard, they have to-
  2. My inner child feels insecure when they need to express-
  3. My inner child hates it when people don't communicate-
  4. When communicating with others, my inner child never wants to be too-
  5. My inner child has come up with ways to communicate without  -
  6. My inner child wishes they could more confidently say-
  7. My inner child doesn't want to bring things up, which eventually results in-

Healthy parents model effective and respectful communication making conflict less stressful and normalized. When children are safe, they can use their voice without shame, rage, or stress since the parents are a teaching resource of respect, reciprocity,

Love and relationships

  1. My inner child believes that love is-
  2. My inner child thinks that people who are in love are-
  3. My inner child thinks that relationships are-
  4. From their experience growing up, marriage and partnership are-
  5. In relationships, my inner child really hates-

Healthy families don't operate from such a hostile or broken-hearted place. Instead, they practice my favorite definition of love, which is love is wanting the other person to be free.

Belonging and community

  1. My inner child believes this is about fitting in-
  2. My inner child thinks that people who easily join groups are-
  3. My inner child thinks that friendships are-
  4. From their experience growing up, being social means -
  5. To belong or fit in, my inner child feels like they have to-

Healthy families practice inclusion, fairness, and engagement with the community as best they can. They can be social and contribute well enough to their environment and friends.

Conflict

  1. My inner child believes this is about conflict-
  2. In regards to conflict resolution or being heard, my inner child believes-
  3. My inner child approaches conflict with -
  4. From their experience growing up, conflict results in-
  5. To my inner child, to be in conflict with someone means this about themselves-
  6. When someone is upset with us, my inner child believes that they have to-

Healthy families know that actual conflict resolution leads to better intimacy in all shapes. So healthy parents put in the energy to make siblings respect and see each other vs. breeding toxic roles and resentment without offering any real help.

Money, career, purpose, and work-life

  1. My inner child believes this about money-
  2. My inner child believes this about career-
  3. My inner child believes this about work-
  4. My inner child would like their purpose to be about-
  5. From their experience growing up, this is what the adults model about the purpose-
  6. My inner child believes this about people who have happy careers -
  7. From their experience growing up, Money caused-
  8. To my inner child, going after what they want to do feels-
  9. When we tell people what we do, my inner child feels-

Healthy families are able to practice a work-life balance in a good enough way while supporting the fulfillment of both children and adults. Healthy parents also teach their children how to contribute and be in the world in a way that works for them.

Sex

  1. My inner child believes that sex is-
  2. When they hear people have great sex, my inner child feels-
  3. In their experience in their family, sex means this to my inner child-
  4. My inner child worries that their sex life is-
  5. In relationships, to my inner child, sex means-

Sex may not seem like an inner child issue, but it is. Children raised in safety and protected from adult issues until developmentally appropriate have healthier attitudes about sex and are less burdened by issues. In addition, healthy families model good judgment and lifestyle.

Joy and happiness

  1. My inner child believes joy and happiness are -
  2. When they hear people express joy, my inner child feels-
  3. In their experience in their family, joy and happiness were-
  4. In regard to joy and happiness, my inner child worries-
  5. To my inner child, joy and happiness comes with -
  6. To my inner child feeling joy and happiness means -

Healthy parents find a way to live outside survival mode or emotional stuckness. They can be present and provide some level of enthusiasm for life. Another Carl Jung quote - "The greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of its parents."
 
Children deeply feel their parent's negative emotions and stuck places to the point that the child focuses on the parent and leaves their sense of innate joy and presence.

State of the world

  1. My inner child believes this about the future-
  2. When they hear the news, my inner child feels-
  3. With all the division and fighting, my inner child goes back to -
  4. In regard to the world, my inner child worries about -
  5. In regards to those making things worse, my inner child feels-
  6. My inner child wishes people were more -

Healthy parents must be aware of how their child is managing during situational stress such as climate change or a pandemic. This is extremely difficult, but children can often be more attuned to the adult's emotions than their own. Healthy parents distinguish between being real with their children and instilling purpose and hope.

Final Thoughts

.Doctor: These responses were for your own exploration and inquiry. What answers stuck out for you? 
.Doctor: Do you notice any patterns, such as pessimism or anger, throughout the categories? Honor these. They are there for a good reason, but, again, to practice separating the past from the present. What the inner child believes about the issue may still run the stuckness in your present. 
.Doctor: With answers that are highlighting something for you, explore them more with full dialogues on paper going over any of the following starters of a reparenting conversation
.Patient: Tell me more about that – why does sex feel so bad?
.Patient: I know what you mean. Can you give me some specific examples to connect with where money led to fights?
.Patient: When you say people in love are fake, what happens to the relationship? How might that have been like our family in some way?
.Patient: What did you need from mom about that issue she had with dad and they’d fight?
.Patient: If we changed our mind about love, how do you think we’d feel?
.Patient: If we changed our mind about bringing something up, what do you think that would feel like?